Elite Eight: No. 9 Stanford @ No. 1 Wake Forest (Saturday, 7 PM, Spry Stadium)

Editor’s Note: This preview was written by the one and only quzybuk!

Wake Forest v. Stanford Preview

Elite Eight

Saturday, December 2 at 7:00 pm EST (BE THERE!!!!)

Spry Stadium

Holiday traditions at Wake Forest: Love Feast, ZSR Midnight Events, and playing f****** Stanford in the men’s soccer tournament.

I guess it was inevitable. Two years ago, as the top overall seed, the Jordan Morris-led Cardinal came to Winston-Salem and won a controversial 2-1 overtime game that left the Spry crowd booing the referees well after the game. (Coincidentally, this was the last goal Stanford has allowed in the NCAA Tournament, and it came on an Ian Harkes penalty kick.) Last year, the Cardinal claimed the NCAA Tournament Championship game by kicking the ever-loving **** out of the Deacs en route to a penalty-kick shootout victory. (Not coincidentally, penalty kicks are still the worst. Sorry Stanford, you’ll have to settle for second-worst.)

Naturally, when the brackets were announced this year, basically every Wake fan’s first reaction was, “Alright! The top seed!” This was followed immediately by every Wake fan’s second reaction: “Wait, they put us with Stanford AGAIN?!? MOTHERF*****.”

Riley asked me do a preview of this game, and I do have some things to say. Stanford has suffered a fair bit of attrition in the past year (although, it should be noted, they did not lose three first-team all-Americans or the Mac Hermann winner), but they are fundamentally the same team.

They will once again play an annoyingly defensive and direct 4-4-2, they will attempt to once again kick the ever-loving **** out of the Deacs, and they will once again be quite happy to play for penalties.

Names to watch: NC native Tomas Hilliard-Arce is a legit Hermann candidate (non-Bakero division), smug shitheel Foster Langsdorf leads the attack and is supported by even smugger shitheel Corey Baird, and expect to hear a lot about Tanner Beason, who is Stanford’s designated PK taker and a Forsyth Country Day alumnus. (Yes, the one in Lewisville.)

So hey, there’s your preview. Now please enjoy this video discussing the dangers associated with trees:

As well as a demonstration of proper safety protocol when dealing with dangerous trees:

This concludes the preview of Stanford soccer. In conclusion: Trees are like zombies, we have to survive like a survivor, and we’re all gonna get killed by Christmas trees. Thank you for reading this preview of Stanford soccer.

P.S. Expect to see a more physical game from Wake this year, as the Deacs seem to be better equipped to handle the shit-kick-outtery that in year’s past.

P.P.S. Getting the first goal will be absolutely critical. If Wake scores it, Stanford will have to play more offensively, which will create more space than Stanford is accustomed to. If Stanford scores it, expect the parked bus-iest of parked buses in front of the Stanford goal.

P.P.P.S. If you plan to attend, please harangue the refs from the opening whistle. Last year’s game was shameful in the way it was called, and if it gets out of hand again we’re up a creek, because Stanford WILL attempt to re-enact that scene from Evil Dead on us if given half the chance.

P.P.P.P.S. Yes, THAT scene from Evil Dead.

Prediction: Wake 0, Stanford 0, PKs are the worst, time is a flat circle, eat at Arby’s