Okay, I just. I don't. I am trying, but I can't. How did I not know this existed until today?
In 1986, the Wake Forest football team made its own version of the Super Bowl Shuffle, recording their own instruments and dancing and just ... I can't think of anything else to say. It is everything you would hope it would be. I wasn't able to embed it, but click the link. The lyrics are after the jump, and please -- and I stress please -- watch it.
There's a giant sign that says Wake Watchers, and I don't even know if Weight Watchers would be mad because with lines like "I laid on the beach, grew up in the surf, Now I'm playing ball on the Deacon turf," you're in business.
Daryll McGill #44, Running Back
The number's 44, I'm Daryll McGill
But the number's a blur when I get the pill.
I can run, I can fake, even shake and bake
When I get the ball it's no mistake.
I start runnin' the fans all shout,
Sweetness Payton, you'd better watch out.
My time has come, the coaches say,
Wake Watchers come to see me play.
Paul Kiser #61, Offensive Guard
I don't write checks my body can't cash.
They call me Big Hit - that ain't no trash.
I don't say much, and there's good reason,
When my body does the talkin', you're out for the season.
My number one job is to move the D-line,
And to make 44 look so fine.
I don't know Judo, I don't Karate;
But one-on-one, I'm gonna take it to your body.
A.J. Greene, #21, Defensive Back
I'm A.J. Greene, small and lean.
I want to bring you fans on to the scene.
So buy a ticket, don't come alone,
Because the dogs are gonna chew some bones.
My mission isn't complete until we win the game.
When I hit a wide receiver, it's like gas to a flame.
So tell the other team not to unpack,
We're gonna put you on the bus and send you right back.
Tim Morrison, #72, Offensive Lineman
They call me psycho, I go hog wild.
Playing the line, that's my style.
I'm quick off the ball, I make them skate.
Opening holes, that's my fate.
I laid on the beach, grew up in the surf,
Now I'm playing ball on the Deacon turf.
I'm the wrecking ball of the offensive line.
If you give me some time, I'll mess with your mind.
Jamie Harris, #7, Quarterback
I'm Jamie Harris - I can throw, I can run.
But a QB's position is a whole lotta fun.
They call me sugar and I know my role,
It's to rap to the ladies and give the guys soul.
When the game's on the line, we're running out of time,
I throw short to 41 and long to 89.
We can move the ball on the ground or the air
And we'll take on anyone, even the Bears.
We're the Deacs. You know our name.
Hustlin' keeps us lean and mean,
A Black and Gold fightin' machine.
It's the Deacon rap and before we're through,
You're gonna be a Wake Watcher, too.
If this year's team did something like that, I might actually lose my mind. Don't get me wrong, 7th Floor Crew is still unrivaled, but Wake Watchers/Deacon Rap has a real Wendy's Hot Drinks vibe to it that just rules.