Here's your complete guide to scheduling a fall wedding: do not ever do it.

Fine, a little more detail. Don't have it on a Saturday in the fall.

If you must have it on a Saturday in the fall, don't live in the South, Midwest, Texas or anywhere else specifically afflicted with the college football condition. Having a fall Saturday wedding in Massachusetts is probably for the best.

But let's say you're stuck with putting on a wedding in the fall. I won't pry into why you've set yourself up like this. We're not here to judge anything other than what a bad person you are.

Now that you've made a mistake, please, please try to proceed with football in mind from this point on.