Since the Oscars will be on at the same time as the Wake-Duke game, clearly no one is going to watch the Oscars this year. So to quench everyone's award show thirsts, I present to you: the First Annual Mascot Awards...
Coolest Mascot You've Never Heard Of
Just because your team sucks doesn't mean your mascot has to. Here are the five awesomest mascots from schools that you only hear about because Duke beat them by 30 a few years ago:
5. Coast Carolina Chanticleers - You probably haven't heard of this badass rooster unless you're from North Carolina or love the Canterbury Tales, but just look at him. Taken from the main character in one of Chaucer's Tales, Chanticleer has a cocky attitude, and well... technically he is a cock.
4. Campbell Fightin Camels - Normally I wouldn't give props to anything that sounds so similar to Cole Hamels, but this is a special case. Any camel-based mascot is already pretty cool in my book, and this one's a fighter. And let me ask you, what would you guess the name of this ferocious creature is? Humpy? Spitter? Cole Hamels? Nope. Gaylord. Seriously.
3. Canisius Golden Griffins - I want to shake the hand of the man who stopped Canisius' marketing meeting and said, "hey guys, a griffin's pretty cool on its own, but...and hear me out on this one... let's make it golden." Besides looking totally awesome, the concept of a golden half lion, half eagle makes this creature the king of the jungle and the skies. Unfortunately, that doesn't make it very good at basketball.
2. Indiana University Purdue University Fort Wayne (IPFW) Mastodons - What's a mastodon you ask? Check out what dictionary.com has to say here, I especially like definition #2. Enough said.
1. Arkansas Pine Bluff Golden Lions - I mean, just look at it. And as if the sharp teeth and red eyes weren't cool enough, check out how the flowing mane, while still maintaining its beauty, faintly spells outs "U A P B" or... Universty of Arkansas Pine Bluff. Awesome.
When drawing a mascot, most people try to make it fierce, intimidating, and scary. These look like they were drawn by someone's good-sportsmanship obsessed mom.
5. Oral Roberts Golden Eagles - Proving that putting "golden" in front of your name doesn't automatically make you cool, this bird is way too proud of his poorly drawn tank top and lack of pants. Named Eli, this eagle looks like he has something up his sleeve, and that thing is a good old fashioned high five.
4. Delaware Fightin' Blue Hens - You are most certainly not number 1, Mr. Hen. I don't know which is most frustrating, his incorrect number of fingers or the fact that he has fingers. His actually name is YoUDee, which isn't helping his cause either.
3. Valparaiso Crusaders - Although I'm impressed with The Crusader's (That's his name) ankle flexibility, I'm not nearly as impressed with his plume. He barely looks like he's hit puberty and he wants to fight someone? For his sake, I hope an attacker doesn't come from the left. His basketball team has already fought 27 times this year, and they lost 20 of those fights.
2. Central Connecticut State Blue Devils - To start, this little guy looks like he's making an absurdly loud nasally moan. Don't you just want to punch him in the face? I don't know how Central Connecticut State managed to make a devil look like the annoying kid who picks his nose in physics class, but they did, and they even got the physics of his trident wrong.
1. Grambling State Tigers - Wow. Where to begin? At least now I know what Ashlee Simpson based that dance off of. I would punch this guy in the face too, but he would probably just say "Oh I'm sorry, my face got in the way of your fist... totally my fault." And that's not even mentioning his awkward holding of the pennant and the fact that pennant letters never go that way. I don't know what he's so happy about either, as his basketball team is 6-18 right now. Everything is wrong with this. Everything.
Check back in soon for the second installment of the Mascot Awards!